When Everything Actually Sucks: The Holy Art of the "Crashout"

God gave us the songs of the Bible to help us navigate the difficult questions that come up in life. All of us have difficult questions for God—whether we ask them out loud or not, and we all have big feelings that come with those questions.

I know we don’t know each other, but we can agree to stop pretending for the next few minutes, right?

Have you ever felt like everything sucks? Not like a bad day, a hang nail, or cancelled plans. Not even like a bad grade or a losing season. But everything actually sucks. And it’s sucked for a while.

Maybe…

a relationship ended

a friend betrayed you

your parents are separating

you have to move schools or states

a family member is really sick

you’re failing classes

or maybe you’re walking through something I couldn’t even say out loud

Everything sucks.

Maybe you cry yourself to sleep at night

you punch holes in walls

you vent to your parents

you fight with your parents

you isolate yourself from everyone

Talking about it isn’t working

posting about it isn’t working

not doing anything about it isn’t working…

It’s only getting worse…

You need something better to try, something higher, something holy, something outside of this broken world: you need to lament.

Lament = grief or sorrow expressed in complaints or cries; weeping and mourning

I’d like to define lament as: naming and expressing deep and specific pain without a filter

Today we might call it a crashout. But instead of lashing out emotionally into thin air—it’s taking those emotions to someone who can do something about it.

If you’ve stumbled upon some of the darker books of the Bible, then you know one of my favorite “secrets” of the Bible…it doesn’t hold back. I don’t know if you know this, but the bible talks about it all.

Did you know?

There are talking animals in the bible

Gruesome murders with random objects

A very descriptive love story

Pigs jumping off a cliff

…and some really heavy feelings.

We’re going to walk through a Psalm that is all over the place. Take a deep breath before we start and see if you can find yourself in the story…

Psalm 77:1-3

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints.

This guy is in a hard place: everything sucks, he is talking to God, he’s asking for help, but even that feels exhausting. When he is alone at night, it’s the hardest. He’s trying to pray, but nothing is making it better.

I’ve felt this. Have you felt like this?

You’re frustrated with God…

Why isn’t anything working?

Does God not care about how you feel?

You keep talking to God because you know you should

…But it’s not fixing anything

It gets worse before it gets better…

Psalm 77:4-6

You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.” Then my spirit made a diligent search…”

He’s at the end of his rope. He can’t sleep. He can’t find the words. Here we find the first shift.

But he remembers what it used to feel like with God…the good days. Remember how close He was? How much He spoke? How you wanted to spend time with Him? How good it felt to be with Him?

The Psalmist makes a choice. “I’m going to remember.” Even though it’s dark, and I don’t feel like it. I’m going to intentionally think back — make a “diligent search.”

This isn’t just thinking of 3 things to be grateful for, or trying to come up with some feel good quotes, but a search of what God has done.

He asks some questions…

Psalm 77:7-9

“Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?”

He asks exactly what he’s feeling…He’s not afraid to say it out loud:

Does God really care?

Does He want good for me?

Does He really love me?

Is He mad at me?

We all wonder this stuff in dark seasons. When someone leaves—you wonder if God has left you too. When your plans don’t work out—you wonder if God really wants good for you. When you can’t stop messing up—you wonder if God is tired of you. When you’re ticked off or super sad—you wonder if God is even there.

I’ve been stuck in a loop of wondering if God really chooses me. Too many people have not chosen me. I’ve been walked out on too many times. I’ve felt undervalued, ignored, and pushed to the side. If the people who are supposed to love me, don’t want me…then God probably doesn’t either.

What are the honest questions you have for God? These are a crucial part of the lament.

The Psalmist isn’t afraid to ask God directly.

Psalm 77:10

Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

This verse can also read: “This is my grief: that the right hand of the Most High has changed.” He’s saying, the problem I’ve found and I need to answer is: has God changed? Is what I’ve been told still true? Is God still who He says He is?

He asks the question knowing the answer. He knows the truth. He realizes his questioning is out of pain and hurt. But when we’re in pain, the truth doesn’t feel like truth. We know it in our heads, but we don’t feel it in our hearts.

The biggest shift in the Psalm happens here.

He’s decided to “appeal” to the YEARS of God’s work: an appeal is a serious or urgent request. There’s a lot on the line. Usually, an appeal is asking a higher power for a reversal — a change of mind.

He is asking God to change his situation based on what God has done in the past…

Psalm 77:11-12

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. 

“I will remember…” This is actually so smart. He decides to remember who God is and remind himself of what God has done. This takes effort on our part. We choose to think back through our lives.

Remember when God took care of your family?

Remember when He healed your friend?

Remember when you made the team?

when you passed the test?

when you finally made new friends?

when He answered that prayer?

Remember how He was with you when you felt alone?

At this point, you might be saying, “I don’t have that…” “I don’t have anything to remember with God.” You haven’t decided to go all in with God yet. You’ve heard about Jesus, but you haven’t trusted Him yet. There just isn’t a relationship there. The good news is, you can decide today.

God’s offer of a relationship with Him through the death, burial and resurrection of His son Jesus is always open to you. It’s always on the table. He waits for you to say “yes” to Him.

And the best part, He will be with you. He not only rescues us from our sin, but He gives us His Spirit to walk through life with us. That means you don’t have to carry your pain by yourself. We will stay stuck in our pain and our questions if we don’t choose to take them to God in the first place, and then choose to remember what God has done for us.

But this is the part where we find relief. When you remember, it causes you to worship.

Psalm 77:13-15

Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph.

Because the Psalmist chose to remember, he is able to worship, to pull himself out of bed, to speak truth over his life, to recognize that God is Who He said He is.

And he keeps praising…(v.16-20) Not only has God done some things in the past, but God can do more things.

Why? Because He is in control even when what surrounds you feels out of control. It means He is in control when:

you’re spiraling with anxiety

your friends have turned their back on you

your mistakes have been found out

your house is chaotic and your family is unpredictable

This is the God we worship through lament. The lament is a gift to us. It’s a tool for us to express our whole selves—

bring our honest and raw thoughts to God,

to ask our big questions without shame,

to find relief from our pain,

and to remember who God is and what He’s done.

God has heard my same lament for years: God, why doesn’t anyone choose me? This question circles back in every season of my life, but it started when I was 15. All it took was my very first boyfriend to cheat on me with a girl who sat at my lunch table.

Suddenly, I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t first pick. I wasn’t worth choosing. It looks different each time it comes back up, but the pain is the same. I know you have pain, too.

So before we wrap up, let’s talk about how we do this. How do we lament? Like, really, how do we do it today?

#1 - Don’t ignore or diminish or disqualify the situation.

Don’t overspiritualize it. That means you don’t have to find the silver lining, you don’t have to turn it into a prayer request, you don’t have to slap a verse onto it.

Don’t go straight to solutions; you don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to get advice, you don’t have to start with a plan.

Don’t pretend you’re okay. When we lament, we don’t fake it. The bible is FULL of honest thoughts spoken directly to God. You are allowed!

The Psalmists accuse God of being asleep. Jeremiah wishes he had never been born. Job tells God to leave him alone. Moses tells God that He has the wrong guy. Because it’s in scripture, we know it’s encouraged — God wants your lament!

#2 - Don’t ignore or diminish or disqualify your part.

This means your feelings (like we talked about) and your sin. Your feelings as they are. The feelings that you can’t say out loud. But then we need to be honest about where we stand.

Because sometimes, we are in pain because of ourselves. Because we messed up. Because we walked away from God.

But the good news still is — God wants that pain, too. We can be honest about how much it hurts, even if we are in the wrong. Even if you messed up. Even if it’s your fault.

You are allowed to feel pain over your own choices. God wants those feelings, too.

#3 - Don’t ignore or diminish or disqualify the tension.

We wrestle with God’s hand in our pain. The pain you’re experiencing went through the hand of God. If we truly believe Him to be in control, all-knowing, all-powerful, then we have to live in this tension.

Many of you have this exact question that you need to bring to God: If God is good, why did He let this happen?

This is a part of lament: We tell Him what we feel He’s done and also the truth of Who we know He is.

Ask all the questions, process what you see, don’t hold back: Why did God do this? Why didn’t He fix it?

But then also: God deeply loves and cares for me. God wants good for me.

It’s a tension that we will always have to wrestle with, and there’s a space and time for wrestling in lament.

#4 - Don’t ignore, diminish, or disqualify your choice.

When we make a choice to remember what God has done and who He is, we won’t get stuck in our pain. Even if God is the one who caused our grief, it’s temporary. His love outweighs our grief.

He isn’t sitting up on a cloud, laughing at your pain. He doesn’t enjoy watching you hurt. It’s not a game He’s playing.

You can’t see it when you’re in pain, but His nature is always loving. His actions toward you are always loving. The grief He allows or causes is ultimately loving.

God’s promise to us, His relationship with us, is built on His steadfast love. That means, in love, there’s often pain. We know this: your parents love you, but it hurts when they discipline you; you love your parents, but it hurts when you disappoint them. It is painful to love and be loved.

But the steadfast love of God means He will never leave us in our pain. When we choose to think on the truth of God’s love for us, we can move through pain.

#5 - We don’t ignore, diminish, disqualify prayer.

Asking God for what you want or need. You can bring your cause to God.

It’s okay to ask Him:

for your parents to stay together

for you to win the game

for you to pass the test

for new friends

for healing of any kind

for the pain to go away

I think we are afraid to ask God for what we want because we’re afraid it’s not what He wants. We are afraid to be let down or to be told “no.”

But the purpose of prayer is relationship. He wants to be with you, talk to you, but also to shape you and grow you. God already knows what you really want. You might as well talk about it with Him.

And if it’s a “no” or “not yet” or “not like this…” We trust that the plan He has is better. We trust that a “no” is the most loving answer He could give, even if we can’t see why just yet. But don’t be afraid to go for it with God. We can ask.

There isn’t a perfect formula for lamenting. Laments are messy. They are honest and raw. But know this…

God is the safest place to bring yourself.

He won’t gossip about you

He won’t panic

He won’t shame you

He won’t dismiss you

He always has time for you

He always has space for you

He wants your lament.

Practice:

Write out a lament in your own words.

Format:

Questions you have for God.

How you are feeling in detail.

“Even so” — a statement of Truth about God

Example:

God, why did it happen the way that it did? Why didn’t they fight for me?

What did I do wrong? Why didn’t they choose me?

I feel unwanted. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I tried so hard and got nowhere.

It feels like no one will ever want me. No one will fight for me. No one sees me.

Even so, I know that You have chosen me. You fought sin and death for me. Even though I’ve been wrong,

You take my guilt and my shame. You see me exactly as I am, and You choose to love me.