What Well-Meaning Christians Get Wrong About Divorce

Oct 16

Divorce isn’t an outside problem. It’s happening in our churches, to people who love the Lord, pray, serve, and said “divorce is not an option.” This is week three of the Unwanted Stories series, and Kaley is sharing her own unwanted story, a first marriage that ended in 2018 after five years, to talk about what Christians get wrong when divorce shows up in their own lives, their friend circle, or their church.

This isn’t a full theology of divorce. Kaley has done that work, and you might get to read it one day. Today is about two things: some of what we’ve gotten wrong theologically, and a lot of what we’ve gotten wrong when it comes to simple care, sensitivity, and loving our neighbor.

Some of what’s covered:

What a November 2025 Barna study found about divorce among practicing Christians, and why we can’t keep treating it like an outside problem.
Why “God hates divorce” isn’t actually what Malachi 2:16 says, and what the verse is really talking about.
What Jesus was answering in Matthew 19, why Moses allowed divorce in the first place, and the guardrails he put around what was already happening to protect women.
The difference between conditional and unconditional covenants, why marriage is a conditional covenant, and why the covenant is often broken long before the divorce is filed.
How the “hate” language shows up in subtle ways. The assumption that it couldn’t happen to good Christians, the quiet message that you didn’t have enough faith or pray hard enough, the people who get ostracized or left out, and the lack of good resources for people walking through it.
Why you can care for someone without agreeing with them, and why the church should still love, care for, and work to restore a believer even when divorce was sin.
The statements Kaley wrote out during a week of intensive counseling during her separation, the things she believes about God, marriage, and divorce that gave her handles to hold her theology in a very real, raw circumstance.
Why it takes two people to stay married, and why no amount of going home, praying harder, and being the best wife in the world can save a marriage by yourself.
An invitation to study it for yourself before you need it, whether that’s for you or someone you love.

This one can be triggering for some and uncomfortable for most, and Kaley says so up front. You’re allowed to disagree. But if something rubbed you the wrong way, go look it up for yourself. And if you’re in the middle of this, you are seen by a God who put plans in place to protect you. Jesus didn’t die for marriage. He died for you.